Daily Archives April 29, 2015

Top 10 things NOT to say to parents when picking up a date.

Top 10 things NOT to say to parents when picking up a date.10. “Sorry I’m a little late. I had to stop by the drugstore.”9. “Show me how you used to spank her.”8. “Please come inside? Wow, you sound just like your daughter.”7. “Do you think she would put out if I told her that I loved her?”6. “I just got my license today.”5. “I believe being sexually active since I was 12 has helped memature.”4. “Five bucks says she’s a D-cup.”3. “Hey do you have an empty pop can and some matches?”2. “Hi. I’m Robert, but my friends call me ‘Back Door Bob.'”1. “So, does your wife just lay there during sex too?

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The Basic Laws of Work

Business Rules to Live ByIf you can’t get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.Don’t be irreplaceable, if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.It doesn’t matter what you do, it only matters what you say you’ve done and what you’re going to do.After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.If at first you don’t succeed, try again...

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Blonde quickies 201-220

201. Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling ? A: A blond electrician202. Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short? A1: So brunettes can remember them. A2: Because blonds are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn’t fit.203. Q: Why wasn’t the Virgin Mary a blonde ???? A: She wouldn’t have been old enough to bear children!204. Q: Why are blondes hurt by peoples words? A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.205. Q: What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it? A: A thought.206. Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute? A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally.207. Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle? A: She realized she gave her last blowjob.208...

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A new Priest.

A new priest at his frist mass was so nervous he could heardly speak.After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.” So the next Sunday the priest took the monsignors advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office he found the following note on the door.1. Sip the Vodka, don’t gulp.2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not get his ass.6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ and his apostles as J.C. and the boys.7...

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The Chicken’s

What did the baby chick say to his mummy when she laid an Orange?” Look what Marma-Lade!! “

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