Daily Archives April 27, 2015

The morning after

Bob woke up after the annual office Christmas party with apounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recallthe events of the preceding evening. After a trip to thebathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put somecoffee in front of him.”Louise,” he moaned, “tell me what happened last night. Was itas bad as I think?””Even worse,” she said, her voice oozing scorn. “You made acomplete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing theentire board of directors and you insulted the president ofthe company, right to his face.””He’s an idiot,” Bob said. “Piss on him!” “You did,” came thereply. “And he fired you.””Well, screw him!” said Bob. “I did. You’re back at work onMonday.”

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Crotchless panties

A woman feared that her husband was losing interest in her sexually. She went out and bought some very sexy lingerie, complete with crotchless panties. She posed herself in bed and awaited his arrival.When he came into the bedroom, she threw the sheets back, spread her legs, and said, “Welcome home honey. Do you want some of this?”With a horrified look on his face, the husband replied, “Hell No! Look what it did to your underwear!”

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Blonde quickies 231-240

231. Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911:Blonde: We need help. We’re three blondes changing a light bulb.Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb? Blonde: Yes.Operator: The power in the house in on? Blonde: Of course.Operator: And the switch is on? Blonde: Yes, yes.Operator: And the bulb still won’t light up? Blonde: No, it’s working fine.Operator: Then what’s the problem? Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and hurt ourselves.232. What about the blonde who gave birth to twins? Her husband is out looking for the other man.233. There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore...

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A black and a white guy in heaven.

A white guy and a black guy died and were on their way up to Heaven and they had to stop at the Pearly Gates before they could enter. So the Angel Gabriel was there waiting for them, and he told them that they had to do something before they could go anywhere.He told the white guy to pull down his pants, so he did and Gabriel grabbed his dick and squeezed. It instantly melted. The white screamed in pain, and was sent downstairs.Gabriel told the black guy to do the same, and he grabbed his dick and squeezed but nothing happened.When Gabriel asked him why it didn’t affect him, he said, “This is the type of chocolate that melts in your mouth and not in your hands”.

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How a man can tell if a woman has PMS

She stops reading Glamour and starts reading Guns and Ammo.She considers chocolate a major FDA food group.She puts on one of those pads with “wings,” then flies off the roof laughing hysterically while riding a broom.She’s developed a new talent for spinning her head around in 360 degree circles.She retains more water than Lake Superior.She denies she’s in a bad mood as she pops a clip into her semiautomatic and “chambers one.”She buys you a new T-shirt—–with a bulls-eye on the front.You ask her to please pass the salt at the dinner table and she says,”All I ever do is give, give, give! AM I SUPPOSED TO DO EVERYTHING?”She enrolls in the Lizzie Borden School of Charm...

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