Daily Archives April 25, 2015

What did the bird say when his cage fell apart?

What did the bird say when his cage fell apart?Answer: Cheap-Cheap

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Monica at the Dry Cleaners

Monica needed to get one of her dresses cleaned so she takes it to thedry cleaners. The man working there was an elderly man and was hard ofhearing.Monica said,”I need this dress cleaned.” The man said, “Come again?”Monica replied, “No, it’s just mustard.”

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Top 10 Reasons…John Glenn

Top 10 Reasons No One Wants to go into Space with John Glenn again:10. The horror of seeing the effects of G-Forces on wrinkles.9. Kept using the Hubble to find his glasses.8. Everytime he sneezed, his teeth flew out.7. Forgot where he was each morning, kept grabbing for Scott while callinghim “Annie”.6. Constantly complaining about being “Stiff all over” while eyeingChiaki.5. Couldn’t get him to stop doing the “Viagra” experiment.4. When warned, “There’s a Meteor Shower ahead”, he thought they said,”Shower cause he’d peed the bed”.3. Couldn’t seem to ever attach his urinal bag properly.2. There’s a real good reason why we call old men “Old Farts”.1. The Prunetang worked, but the Depends didn’t.

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Police Officer

A man driving on the highway is pulled up by a police officer on a bike.The officer says, “Pull over,” and the driver pulls over to the side of the road.He says, “I’m sorry, officer, was I speeding?”The police officer says, “No, mate, but your wife fell out of the car a mile back.”The man replies, “Oh, that explains it. I thought I was going deaf!”

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Suffering From Dilutions

Peter and Jim were partners in a profitable painting-contracting business. Unfortunately, they weren’t entirely honest, because they mixed their paint with water.One day Jim’s conscience started to bother him as they painted a poor widow’s house. The next day Jim told Peter he just couldn’t be dishonest anymore.”Don’t quit now,” Peter begged. “A few more jobs and we can retire.”Jim refused to change his mind.”Peter,” he said. “I just can’t do it. Last night an angel stood by my bed and said – ‘Repaint, repaint… you thinner.'”

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