Daily Archives April 24, 2015

God and Moses went golfing.

God and Moses were out golfing. They were both doing well. Then they came up to the 5th hole. It was a dogleg to the left, with a lake to the right. Moses got up and hit a long shot with a little hook. Right in the middle of the fairway. Then God got up and pulled out his driver. Then Moses said,”God, everytime you use you driver you always slice it.” So God said, “If Arnold Palmer can do it, I can do it.” So he approched the ball. Got ready, then hit a long one. It drifted to the right, SPLISH! Right in the middle of the lake. So Moses said, “See God, I told you that would happen. I’ll get it this time but you’ll have to get it next time.” So Moses went out to the lake, held up his club, and parted the lake. Then he went down, picked up the ball, and came back...

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Canadian Talk

A long time ago, way back then…we used to spell Canada, Cnd.Why? you ask. Well it’s really simple…It’s because we forgot the eh?

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Hillary and…

Q: What does Hillary Clinton and Tampons have in common?A: “They are both stuck-up cunts!”

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On the porch

Two elderlies are rocking on the porch at the home. “Bet you can’t guess how old I am,” he says. “Bet I can,” she says. “Bet you fifty dollars you can’t tell me how old I am,” he says. “You’re on,” she says.”Stand up.” He stands up. She looks him up and she looks him down. “Now turn around,” she says. She looks him up and she looks him down. “Now, turn back around . . . and drop your pants,” she says. He drops his pants and she looks him up . . . and she looks him down . . . “you’re 86,” she says. He’s dumbounded. “By golly, woman, you’re right. I am 86. How’d you know?” She rocks and smiles.”You told me yesterday!”

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Room in Hell

A self-centered, unbelieving man… ok a lawyer… died and was delivered into the devil’s hands. “You will be spending eternity here, but I’ll let you pick your own room from three I’ll show you,” the devil said.In the first room were thousands of people standing on their heads on a brick floor. “I don’t like that,” said the man. “Show me the second.”In the second room were thousands of people standing on their heads on a wood floor. “Well, that’s better than brick,” the man said, “but show me the third.”In the third, thousands of people were standing ankle-deep in a room full of maggot infested garbage, all drinking coffee. “I’ll choose this room,” he said. Into the room he went and the door slammed behind him.Immediately, the voice of a minor demon rang out, “O.K...

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