Daily Archives April 24, 2015

Possible titles for Lewinsky\’s new book

Possible titles for Monica Lewinsky’s new book1. I Suck At My Job2. What Really Goes Down In The White House3. How I Blew It In Washington4. You Have to Work Hard to Find the Softer Side of the President5. Clear and Present Boner6. Testing the Limits of the Gag Rule7. Going Back for Gore8. Podium Girl9. Secret Services to the President10. Harass is Not Two Words: The Story of Bill Clinton11. Deep Inside The Oval Office12. The Congressional Study on White House Intern Positions13. She’s Chief of MY Staff!14. Al Gore Is In Command For The Next 30 Minutes15. How To Beat Off the Government16. Going Down and Moving Up17. Members of the Presidential Cabinet18. Me and My Big Mouth19. How To Get Ahead in Business

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Real quotes from real people!

“I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn’t study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people” — Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle”They’re multipurpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they take them off.” — Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged the Air Force nearly $1000 for an ordinary pair of pliers.”The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.” — Clinton aide George Stephanopolous speaking on Larry King Live”We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.” — Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks”I’m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president...

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Redneck honeymoon.

The hillbilly man and his new bride were on their honeymoon. The first night the hillbilly anxiously jumps into bed to wait for his wife to get herself ready for a little romance.His new bride comes out of the bathroom in a sexy negligee and says “Honey, I have something to tell you. I’m a virgin.”The man grabs his clothes and rushes out of the house yelling at the top of his lungs. He heads straight to his father’s house. When he gets there his father says “Son, what are you doing here? You’re supposed to be on your honeymoon.”The son, almost out of breath from his run to the house says “Dad, my new wife told me a big secret of hers. She’s a virgin!!!!””Damn son. You did the right thing by leaving. If she wasn’t good enough for her family, she sure as hell isn’t good enough for ours!”

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The Big Jump

Q….OK, there’s a smart blonde, a brunette, and Santa Claus on top of the Empire State Building. If they all jump off at the same time, who will hit the ground first?A….The brunette, because the other two don’t exist!

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Top ten things men would do if …

TOP TEN things men would do if they woke up and had a vagina for a day:10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.8. See if they could finally do the splits.7. See if it’s truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes…BEFORE closing time.4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.1. And, the NUMBER ONE thing men would do if they woke up with a vagina…Finally find that damned G-spot.

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