Daily Archives April 23, 2015

Just one wish.

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said, “OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I’m getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three… You only get one wish!”The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, “I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I’m scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?”The genie laughed and said, “That’s impossible!!! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete — how much steel!! No, think of another wish...

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The undressing newlyweds.

Two newlyweds went on their honeymoon and were getting undressed together for the first time. He took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored.”What happened to you feet?” his wife asked.”I had a childhood disease called tolio.””Don’t you mean polio?””No, tolio, it only affects the toes.”He then removed his pants and revealed an awful looking pair of knees. “What happened to your knees?” she asked.”Well, I also had kneesles.””Don’t you mean measles?””No, kneesles, it only affects the knees.”When he removed his shorts his wife gasped and said…”Don’t tell me, you also had smallcox!”

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Little boy learns arithmetic.

A little boy is in school working on his arithmetic. The teacher says, “Imagine there are 5 black birds sitting on a fence. You pick up your BB gun and shoot one. How many blackbirds are left?”The little boy thinks for a moment and says, “NONE!” The teacher replies, “None, how do you figure that?” The little boy says, if I shoot one, all the other birds will fly away scared, leaving none on the fence.” The teacher replies, “Hmm, not exactly, but I do like the way you think!”The little boy then says, “Teacher, let me ask you a question.There are 3 women sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is licking her cone, another is biting it and the third one is sucking it...

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The Race

There are three guys named Manners, Shutup, and Crap.They were really bored, so they decided to run a race. During the race, Crap fell down, and Manners stopped to help him. But Shutup ran so fast the police caught him. Here’s how the conversation went:Police Officer #1: “What’s your name?”Shutup: “Shutup.”Police Officer #2: “Where’s your manners?”Shutup: Back there picking up Crap!”

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Top ten things women would do …

TOP TEN things women would do if they woke up and had a penis for a day:10. Get ahead faster in corporate America.9. Get a blow job.8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.6. Determine WHY you can’t hit the bowl consistently.5. Find out what it’s like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.4. Touch/shift yourself in public without thought to how improper it may seem.3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a man’s eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.1...

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