Daily Archives April 22, 2015

Two pieces of string walk into a bar…

Two pieces of string walk into a bar. The first one walks up to the bar and says, “Barkeep! Give me a beer!”The bartender replies, “Well uh..aren’t you a piece of string?”The piece of string answers, “Yeah!”And the bartender says, “Well get out of here! We don’t serve your kind!”So the first piece of string walks back towards the door. The second piece of string says, “Hey wait, hold on a minute!” “You’re not doing it right, watch this.” He ties himself in a knot and frizzes out the top of his head. He walks up to the bar and says “Barkeep! Give me a beer!”The barender said “Aren’t you a piece of string?”The piece of strings replies, “Nope, I’m afraid not!”

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Lonely Cow in Field

Q: What do you call a bull in the middle of a field spanking his monkey?A: Beef Stroganoff

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And you thing you have it bad!

There’s a celery, a carrot, and a dick talking.The celery was like “Man, I got it bad, they chop me up and put me in cold water!”Then the carrot was like “You think you got it bad they chop me up and stick me in HOT water!”Then the dick said “Ya, well I got it the worst.They put me in a plastic bag, stick me in a dark cave, and make me do push-ups until I puke!”

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Blondes in Basement

Q: What do you call a bunch of blondes in a basement? A: A whine cellar

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Out of the tree

How do you get a one-armed nufie out of a tree? Wave!How do you get a two-armed nufie out of a tree? Wave both hands!

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