Daily Archives April 20, 2015

Thirteen!

A guy is walking past a high, solid wooden fence at the insane asylum and he hears all the residents inside chanting, “Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!”He continues walking along the long fence, but, being a curious person, he can’t help but wonder why they are chanting “Thirteen!” over and over. Could it be that they are chugging beer? Are they perhaps taking turns beating one of the inmates? Maybe they are counting the number of patients that have leapt off of the roof thus far.His curiosity peaks and he frantically searches for a hole in the fence so that he may see what is going on. Finally, he spots one a few feet ahead. The hole is low in the fence and he has to kneel down to peer inside.He moves into position and peeks into the hole...

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The Crook & The President

One Day The President was out jogging without his guards.All of a sudden a man with a ski mask jumped out from behind some busheswith a gun.The masked man said “Give me all your money!”Unwilling to do so, the President said, “You can’t do this, I’m thePresident!” The man then replied,…”Oh, never mind then. Give me MY money!”

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Wet Shift

How do you know when a nymphomaniac drove your car?The gear shift is wet!!

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Strong Britain

-What makes Britain so strong? -It?s the two-party system. One bigparty on every friday and another big party on every saturday

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12 Things NOT to Say if Pulled Over

12. Hey, wasn’t your daughter a porn queen?11. I’m surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special!10. If I bend over, will I still get a ticket?9. No, offi, offic, lucifer . . . I’m not as think you are drunk I am. I swear to dog.8. No, I don’t know how fast I was going. The little needle stops at 110 mph.7. Back off, Barney, I’ve got a piece.6. Want to race to the station, Sparky?5. I know I was weaving, but I was trying to hit all the little green men!4. On the way to the station let’s get a six pack.3. You’ll never get those cuffs on me. . . You Homo!2. Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!1. No, YOU assume the position.

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