Daily Archives April 19, 2015

The Layoff

The vice-president of a local company had quite a problem. He was toldby his boss to lay off one of his employees, either Mary or Jack.His choice was a tough one because Mary had been a devoted employee for 10 years and Jack was a fine worker who had a family to support. At night, the VP tossed and turned in his sleep trying to decide which of his employees he would lay off.Finally he decided, the first one to come to work tomorrow would be the one. Morning finally comes and the VP waits at the office for one of the two employees to arrive.At 8:55 Mary walks into the office. “I’ve got a difficult decision” the VP says, “I either have to Lay You or Jack off.””Oh? jack-off,” Mary says, “I’ve got a headache.”

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The bored Swede

A swedish man was bored. He was bored with his work, bored with his life ingeneral. He felt as there was nothing waiting for him in this life… …until one day, in the breakfast table, he was reading the morning paper,when he saw an article, which would change his life. It said: “…Scientist’s had found out, that somewhere in Africa, one could stillfind tribes of genuine cavemen, untouched by civilization. Only thingneeded was to find the correct cave and shout “Wohoo!!” and the tribe wouldanswer to this call.””This is it!” the swede thought. “This is what I’ve been waiting for! I’llsell everything I own, go to Africa, find these cavemen, and become richand famous!”And so he did. He sells everything, moves to Africa and starts looking forthe tribe. But cave after cave after cave, no answer...

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The Wagon

It seems a farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon-load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise.”Hey Willis!!” the farmer yelled. “Forget your troubles. Come in with us. Then I’ll help you get the wagon up.””That’s mighty nice of you, ” Willis answered, “but I don’t think Pa would like me to.””Aw, come on,” the farmer insisted.”Well okay,” the boy finally agreed, and added, “but Pa won’t like it.”After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. “I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset.””Don’t be foolish !” the neighbor said with a smile. “By the way, where is he?””Under the wagon!”

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Looking forward to old age.

There were three elderly men sitting in wheelchairs on the porch one sunny afternoon. They were ten years apart in ages.One was 60, another 70 and the last 80 years old.The 60 yo, started complaining. He said “I wish I could just piss all at once and not dribble, dribble, dribble all day and night.”The 70 year old then said, “I don’t have that problem. I just wish I could take one good dump and not ooze, ooze, oooze all day and night. The 80 year old started laughing at the other two. He said, “I don’t have any of those problems!” “At 7:00 a.m. I take a good piss, at 9:00 a.m. I take a good shit.”My only problem is that…I don’t wake up until noon!”

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Coffee

Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud.Yes sir, it’s fresh ground.

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