Daily Archives April 19, 2015

Top 10 things you\’ll never hear a girl say.

1) I’m bored. Let’s shave my pussy!2) Shouldn’t you be out drinking with your friends?3) Great fart!! Rip another one!4) Pet names are silly. I just call it my c*nt.5) You should see the shit I just birthed.6) I’d rather play Duke Nukem than go shopping.7) Let’s start subscribing to Hustler.8) Would you like to see a video of me going down on my friend?9) I’ll swallow it all. I love the taste of it!10) Are you sure you’ve had enough to drink? I’m buying.

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Big Chief, No Fart!

There is an old Indian Tribe in the Amazon and their chief is getting old and a new, young challenger wants to be chief.So the wise man of the tribe decides that whoever produces the loudest fart in a week will be chief.The first few days pass and neither the chief or his young rival have farted.The wiseman emerges and says, “Big Chief no Fart.” The next day a truck load of baked beans arrives for the Chief, but at the end of the day the wiseman says, “Big Chief no Fart.”The next day, three truckloads arrives for the Chief, but again the wiseman comes out and says,”Big Chief no Fart.”The Chief is becoming frustrated and orders an army of trucks loaded with baked beans.At the end of the day the wiseman comes out and says… “Big Fart, no Chief!”

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In a perfect world…

*25 Things a Wife would say in a “perfect world!*1) I’ll swallow it all…I love the taste! 2) Are you sure you’ve had enough to drink? 3) I’m bored. Let’s shave my pussy! 4) Shouldn’t you be down at the bar with your buddies? 5) That was a great fart! Do another one! 6) I’ve decided to stop wearing clothes around the house. 7) You’re so sexy when you’re hungover. 8) I’d rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping. 9) Let’s subscribe to Hustler. 10) Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend? 11) Say, let’s go to the mall so you can check out women’s asses. 12) I’ll be painting the house. 13) I love it when you play golf on Sundays, I just wish you had time to play on Saturday, too...

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Hickbonics!

Atlanta School BoardThe Atlanta School Board, feeling left out by the fuss over Ebonics, has decided to designate Southern slang, or “Hickphonics,” as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. Here are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary:HEIDI — noun. Greeting.HIRE YEW – Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting.Usage: “Heidi. Hire yew.”BARD — verb. Past tense of the infinitive “to borrow.”Usage: “My brother bard my pickup truck.”JAWJUH — noun. A state just north of Florida. Capital is Hot-lanta.Usage: “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck.”MUNTS — noun. A calendar division.Usage: “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain’t herd from him in munts.”IGNERT — adjective. Not smart. See “Arkansas native...

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Things adults learn from their kids.

There is no such thing as child-proofing your houseIf you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can igniteA 4 years-old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurantIf you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strongenough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and asuperman capeIt is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a20 by 20 foot roomBaseballs make marks on ceilings.You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up afew times before you get a hit.A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hitby a ceiling fan...

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