Daily Archives April 17, 2015

The couple and the shoe salesman.

The middle-aged wife had just returned to the house on Saturday afternoon after a shopping trip. She was quite agitated, and proceeded to tell her husband about a certain shoe salesman who had been rude.It seems she was sitting down while he helped her try on various shoes, and happened to glance up and notice that she was not wearing any knickers under her dress. Without even thinking, he just blurted out, “If that thing was full of ice cream, I’d eat every bite.”Well, she was understandably insulted, and now wanted to know what her husband was going to do about it.The husband just sat there, watching football on TV, and grunted. The wife became hysterical, and insisted on knowing why he didn’t go down to the shop and punch the rude salesman right in the nose...

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The captain and the camel

A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted mens barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, “What’s the camel for?”.The Sergeant replied “Well sir it’s a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel.”The captain said “Well if it’s good for moral, then I guess it’s all right with me.”After he had been at the fort for about 6 months the captain could not stand it any more so he told his Sergeant, “BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!”The sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captains quarters. The captain got a foot stool & proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel...

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Airplane in Trouble

First man: Hey did you know that my airplane got caught in a heavy storm. The engine was leaking and it was raining.Second Man: Then it is a miracle that you landed safely on the ground and nothing happened to you.First Man: Who said the airplane was flying?!!

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Pat and Mike at the brewery.

Pat and Mike work at the Guinness Brewery, and one day there’s an accident.Pat calls Mike’s wife, Mary, and says: “Sure, and I hate to be tellin ya this, but there’s been an accident down at the Guinness.””Saints Preserve us,” says she, “is Mike alright?”Pat responds, “I’d like to tell ya that, but it’d be a lie!””Ya don’t mean that me Mike’s been hurt?” says Mary.”Sure, an it’s worse than that,” says Pat, “he’s fallen inta the beer vat and drowned!””Oh, well” says Mary, “At least it was quick, ya know he couldn’t swim a lick!””Oh, I wish I could be tellin ya that,” says Pat, “but it’s be a lie. He got out three times ta pee!”

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Baking humor

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman, Pop N. Fresh, died yesterday of a severe yeastinfection. He was 71. Known to friends as “Brown-n-Serve,” Fresh was anavid gardener and tennis player. Fresh was buried in one of the largestfuneral ceremonies in recent years.Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, theCalifornia Raisins, Hungry Jack, Aunt Jemima, Betty Crocker, the HostessTwinkies, and Skippy.The graveside was piled high with flours as longtime friend, Aunt Jemima,delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who “never knew how muchhe was kneaded.”Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled withmany turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting muchof his dough on half-baked schemes — conned by those who buttered him up...

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