Daily Archives April 16, 2015

Phone Number

Ring Ring…Hello, who is it?Is your phone number 13498732?No.So, why did you pick up the phone?

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Another miracle?

A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor.The doctor says, “Okay, Mrs. Jones, what?s the problem?”The mother says, “It?s my daughter Darla, she keeps getting these cravings,she?s putting on weight and is sick most mornings.”The doctor gives Darla a good examination then turns to the mother andsays, “Well, I don?t know how to tell you this but your Darla is pregnant -about 4 months would be my guess.”The mother says, “Pregnant?! She can?t be, she has never ever been leftalone with a man! Have you Darla?”Darla says, “No mother! I?ve never even kissed a man!”The doctor walks over to the window and just stares out it...

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Wrong Answer!

A wife asks her husband, “Honey, if I died, would you remarry?””After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship.””If I died and you remarried,” the wife asks, “would she live in this house?””We spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I’m not going to get rid of my house. I guess she would live in this house.””If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house,” the wife asks, “would she sleep in our bed?””Well, the bed is brand new, and it cost us $2,000. It’s going to last a long time, so I guess she would.””If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house and slept in our bed, would she use my golf clubs?” “Oh, no,” the husband replies. “She’s left-handed.”

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Watch what you say!

My wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to our six- year-old daughter and said, “Would you like to say the blessing?” I wouldn’t know what to say,” she replied. “Just say what you hear Mommy say,” my wife instructed. Our daughter bowed her head and said: “Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner”!

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Height Problems

A lady had a height problem – she was TOO tall, being excatly 2 meters tall. She hated the way she had to duck to walk through a doorway, the way she felt so uncomfortable in a car… So she visited an expert. The expert said:”Go visit the Dwarven Town. It’s full of dwarfs. Find any dwarf, and ask him if he’ll marry you. Every time a dwarf says ‘no,’ you grow 10 cm shorter!”The lady did as she was told. She went to the Dwarven Town, and found a dwarf, and asked if he would marry her. He refused. She found herself 10 cm shorter. She quickly repeated this act another time on another dwarf. Now 180 cm tall, she decided to ask one more dwarf then go home. She boldly walked up to a dwarf and asked if he would marry her...

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