Daily Archives April 13, 2015

Little Johnny and his balloons

Little Johnny walks into his mothers room and catches her topless.Mommy, Mommy, what are those? He says pointing to her breasts.Well, son, These are balloons, and when you die, they inflate and float you up to heaven.Incredibly, he appears to believe this explanation and goes off quite satisfied. Two days later while his mother is making tea, he rushes into the kitchen. Mommy, Mommy, Aunt Eliza is dying!What do you mean? Says his mother.Well, she’s out in the garden shed, lying on the floor with both of her balloons out. Daddy is trying to blow them up for her and she keeps yelling, God, I’m coming! God, I’m coming!

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English is tough stuff.

Multi-national personnel at North Atlantic Treaty Organization headquartersnear Paris found English to be an easy language … until they tried topronounce it. To help them discard an array of accents, the verses belowwere devised. After trying them, a Frenchman said he’d prefer six monthsat hard labor to reading six lines aloud. Try them yourself.ENGLISH IS TOUGH STUFF======================Dearest creature in creation,Study English pronunciation.I will teach you in my verseSounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.I will keep you, Suzy, busy,Make your head with heat grow dizzy.Tear in eye, your dress will tear.So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.Just compare heart, beard, and heard,Dies and diet, lord and word,Sword and sward, retain and Britain.(Mind the latter, how it’s written...

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Strip Joint

Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.The doorman at the club greets them and says, “Hey, Dave, how ya doin?”His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before. “Oh no,” says Dave. “He’s on my bowling team.”When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he’d like his usual Budweiser. His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says, “You must come here a lot for that woman to know you drink Budweiser”.”No, honey, she’s in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them.”A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave...

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Men have only two faults.

Women’s faults are many, men have only 2:Everything they say and everything they do.

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BANG!

What goes Clip clop clip clop clip clop BANG clip clop clip clopclip clop?An Amish drive by shooting!

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