Daily Archives April 13, 2015

Bad waiter.

A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.”Are you crazy” yelled the customer, “sticking your thumb in my steak?!””What” answers the waiter, “You want it to fall on the floor again?”

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Bill Gates at the Pearly Gates

Bill Gates tragically died in a car accident. Arriving at the pearly gates, he finds himself being sized up by St. Peter.”Well, Bill, I’m really confused on this call; I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows XP. I’m going to do something I’ve never done before . . . I’m going to let you decide where you want to go.””So what’s the difference between the two?” Bill asked. St. Peter said, “I could let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision.””Fine! Where should I go first?” “You decide.” “Okay then,” said Bill, “Let’s try Hell first.”So Bill Gates went to Hell...

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Why firemen have dogs

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children fell to discussing the dog’s duties. “They use him to keep crowds back,” said one youngster. “No,” said another, “he’s just for good luck.” A third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dogs,” she said firmly, “to find the fire hydrant.”

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Arguments

Any argument that a man and woman are involved in, the woman gets the last word. Anything a man says afterwards is the beginning of a new argument.A man marries a woman, expecting she will never change, and she does. A woman marries a man expecting he WILL change, and he doesn’t.

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Mattresses

At least now, Mr. Clinton, we understand why mattresses are discountedevery Presidents Day.

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