Daily Archives April 10, 2015

At the blood donor clinic

A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center.Man: “What are you doing here today?”Woman: “Oh, I’m here to donate some blood. They’re going to give me $5 for it.”Man: “Hmm, that’s interesting. I’m here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25.”The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways.Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in the donation center.Man: “Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?”Woman: [shaking her head with mouth closed] “Unh unh.”

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Blonde quickies 41-60

Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earings? A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive? A: Her ankles.Q: What’s the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS? A: Lipstick.Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick? A: Because red means stop.Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick? A: Because red means “Stop, wrong hole.”Q: Why don’t blondes use vibrators? A: They chip their teeth.Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces? A: From eating with forks.Q: Why do blondes wear panties? A: They make good ankle warmers.Q: Why don’t blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts? A: Cause their balls show!Q: What do blondes do for foreplay? A: Remove their underwear...

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Wooden Leg

Harry was delighted when he found a young woman who accepted his proposal of marriage as he was sensitive about his wooden leg and a bit afraid no one would have him. In fact, he couldn`t bring himself to tell his fiancee` about his leg when he slipped the ring on her finger, nor when she bought the dress, nor when they picked the time and place. All he kept saying was, “Darling, I`ve got a big surprise for you,” at which she blushed and smiled bewitchingly.The wedding night came and went, and the young couple were at last alone in their hotel room. “Now don`t forget, Harry, you promised me a big surprise,” said the bride.Unable to say a word, Harry turned out the lights, unstrapped his wooden leg, slipped into bed, and placed his wife`s hand on the stump...

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If You Are Unhappy

Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter.However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started to fly south. In a short time, ice began to form on his wings and he fell to earth in a barnyard, almost frozen.A cow passed by and crapped on the little sparrow. The sparrow thought it was the end. But, the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings. Warm and happy, able to breathe, he started to sing. Just then a large cat came by and, hearing the chirping, investigated the sounds.The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird and promptly ate him.The moral of the story:1. Everyone who craps on you is not necessarily your enemy.2. Everyone who gets you out of the crap is not necessarily your friend.3...

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Anything you want!

A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous & sexy young woman entered. She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from her. The young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare & walked directly toward him.Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman said to him, I’ll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100 on one condition.’Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was.The young woman replied, ‘You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.’The man considered her proposition for a moment, withdrew his wallet from his pocket & slowly counted out five $20 bills, which he pressed into the young woman’s hand...

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