Daily Archives April 9, 2015

Jesus meets Joseph

St. Peter has a day-off from his duties at the gates to Heaven and Jesus is standing in for him. Whilst ‘booking-in’ the new arrivals Jesus notices an old man in the queue who seems familiar. When this man gets to the front of the queue Jesus asks him his name.”Joseph” is the reply, which makes Jesus more inquisitive.”Occupation?” is the next question, the reply being “Carpenter”.Jesus is now getting quite excited.In quite a state Jesus asks “Did you have a little boy?”, the answer is “yes”.”Did he have holes in his wrists and ankles?” asks Jesus, “Yes” comes the reply. Jesus looks at the old man in front of him and with a tear in his eye shouts “FATHER, FATHER”?!The old man looks puzzled and after a moment replies…. “Pinnochio?”

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Blonde quickies 61-80

61. Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning ? A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.62. Q: What’s the first thing a blonde does in the morning? A1: Introduces themself. A2: Walks home.63. Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back? A: From crawling across the street when the sign said “DON’T WALK”.64. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning? A: Fertilised.65. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs? A: Unfertilised.66. Q: What’s the first thing a blonde does after sex? A: Opens the car door.67. Q: What’s a blonde’s idea of safe sex? A: Locking the car door.68. Q: How do blondes turn the light on after sex ? A: Kick open the car door.69...

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Bill Clinton vs JFK

Whats the difference between Bill Clinton & J.F.K?One got his head blown off in the back of a limousine & the other got assasinated.

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How to make an ugly baby…

Q: What sexual position do you use to make an ugly baby?A: Ask your parents.

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Computer lyrics to Beatle Songs

YESTERDAY—————Yesterday,All those backups seemed a waste of pay.Now my database has gone away.Oh I believe in yesterday.Suddenly,There’s not half the files there used to be,And there’s a milestonehanging over meThe system crashed so suddenly.I pushed something wrongWhat it was I could not say.Now all my data’s goneand I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay.Yesterday,The need for back-ups seemed so far away.I knew my data was all here to stay,Now I believe in yesterday.============================================Songs to program by…Eleanor Rigby———————Eleanor RigbySits at the keyboardAnd waits for a line on the screenLives in a dreamWaits for a signalFinding some codeThat will make the machine do some more...

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