Daily Archives April 5, 2015

The Gay in the Bar

A gay guy walks into a bar and says “bartender give me a brewskie.”The bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind here.”The gay continues, “I’ll just sit in the corner and drink my beer and won’t say anything.”The bartender says, “Well, all right!” and pours a beer.A while later a cowboy walks in and says “Bartender give me a beer! I’m so thirsty I could lick the sweat off a cow’s balls” A voice is heard from the corner. “Moo! Moo! Buckaroo!”

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Halloween party

A married couple was invited to a Halloween party. That night, as they were getting ready to go out, the wife said she had developed a migraine headache and had to stay home. She told her husband to go to the party without her. “Don’t let me spoil a good time for you,” she said. After further discussion, the husband put his costume on and went to the party. The wife took some aspirin and went to bed.After sleeping for a while, she woke feeling much better and decided to go to the party and surprise her husband. As she was getting ready, she thought to herself, “I wonder what my husband really does when I’m not around.” She then got into a different costume, so her husband wouldn’t recognize her, and went to the party. Getting there, she stood off to the side and watched...

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More Monica Jokes!

Q: What’s the difference between Monica Lewinsky and the rest of us? A: In order for us to get some dick in the White House, we had to go out and vote.Q: How will history remember Bill Clinton? A: The President after Bush.Q: What’s the difference between Bill Clinton and his dog Buddy? A: One tries to hump the leg of every woman in the White House, the other is a chocolate Lab.Q: What does Clinton say to interns as they leave his office? A: “Don’t hit your head on the desk.”Q: Did you hear about the Bill Clinton sale at clothing stores on President’s day? A: All pants half off.Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and the Buffalo Bills have in common? A: They both blew the big one several times.Q: What was the first thing Monica saw in government? A: The Executive Branch...

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The World of High Finance

A man walks into a New York bank, and says he’s going to Europe for two weeks and needs to borrow $5000. For collateral, he offers his new Rolls Royce.The bank is satisfied and parks it in their secured underground garage. Two weeks later to the day, the man returns to the bank, repays the $5000 and interest of $15.41.The loan officer says inquiringly, “Sir, we were delighted to have your business but, in checking your credit, we learned you are a multimillionaire. Why ever did you need to borrow $5000?””Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for $15.41?”

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Well I wanna be a…

There were once 3 blondes on an island, but they couldn’t find a way off. But while searching, one of them tripped over what happened to be a magic lamp. Dusting it off, the genie came out.”I will grant you each a wish,” he said. “Why not,” thought the blondes. “It’s worth a try.””I want to be the world’s best swimmer” one said, “so can swim off of the island”. She then jumped in to the ocean and swam away.”I want to be a bird” one said, and flew away immediately.The 3rd, and last one thought for a while. “I want to be a man. Maybe that would help.” She was instantly transformed into a man, then walked across the bridge to the mainland, where she joined her two friends.

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