Daily Archives April 3, 2015

Rabbit Catching

Q: How do you catch a unique rabbit? A: Unique up on him.Q: How do you catch a tame rabbit? A: Tame way, unique up on him.

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Not so wise

In a small southern town I saw a wonderful nativity scene, but one feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen’s helmets. Unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a convenience store on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, “You darn Yankees never do read the Bible!” I assured her that I did, but simply couldn’t recall anything about firemen in the Bible. She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage.Sticking it in my face, she said, “See, it says right here, ‘The three wise men came from afar!'”

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The worm hole!

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves when the little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole.He says, “Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole.”The grandfather smiles. “I’ll bet you five dollars you can’t.It’s too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole.”The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he stuffs the worm back into the hole.The grandfather, impressed with his grandson’s ingenuity, hands him five dollars … then grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.Thirty minutes later, the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars...

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Clone

A scientist had been keeping a secret for over two decades — he had sucessfully cloned a human being.He kept meticulous records, raising the clone-child in his laboratory until it was an adult. Then he made his plans to unveil his creation at a meeting of top scientists, held in the luxurious facilities of a high-rise hotel.When the time for his presentation came, the scientist stepped to the podium. He presented his data — his pictures, his charts, his graphs — to an amazed audience. But suddenly, instead of waiting for his cue to come forward, the clone stood up where he’d been sitting, and started shouting at the scientists assembled there.This clone was an imaginative clone...

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Worms.

Q: How do you tell one end of a worm from the other?A: Put it in a bowl of flour and wait for it to fart.

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