Daily Archives April 3, 2015

The Boy Who Wrote To God

One night when a boy prayed to god, the boy asked god:How Long is 1 million years to you?God replies 1 second.The Boy asked God:How much is 1 million dallors to you?God replies 1 penny.Then the boy asked god if he could have a penny.God replies…sure, “gimme 1 second”.

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Health condition

The Queen of England was visiting one of Canada’s top hospitals, and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating.”Oh my God,” said the Queen, “that’s disgraceful, what is the meaning of this?”The Doctor leading the tour explains; “I am sorry your highness, this man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill withsemen. If he doesn’t do that 5 times a day, they’ll explode, and he would die instantly.””Oh, I am sorry,” said the Queen.On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient oral sex.”Oh my God,” said the Queen, “what’s happening in there?”The Doctor replied, “Same problem, better health plan.”

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Pillsbury Doughboy Dead at 71!

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died yesterday of a severe yeastinfection.He was 71.Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years.Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the CaliforniaRaisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker and the Hostess Twinkies.The graveside was piled high with flours, as long time friend Aunt Jemimadelivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as the man who “never knew how muchhe was kneaded”. Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled withmany turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting most ofhis dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was aroll model for millions.Fresh is survived by his second wife — they have two children and one inthe oven...

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Magic Cure for Impotence

A man has been married to his wife for over 20 years and during the past 5 years he has been unable to obtain an erection. He feels just horrible because he is unable to have sex with his wife. He fears his wife may leave him for another man.Out of desperation the man has gone to every doctor and expert in the area. Despite numerous tests and suggested remedies, no reason for his impotence can be found and no cure has worked.The man decides to share his problem with his best friend. His best friend gets all excited and says, “I know who can help you! There is mystic and he was able to help someone else I know with the same problem! You must go see him!”So the man takes his friend’s advice and goes to visit this curious mystic...

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Bill Clinton in Hell

Bill Clinton dies and goes to hell. Satan is giving him a VIP tour, showing him his options for spending eternity.They come to a room marked “Hitler.” Inside is Eva Braun, torturing Adolf Hitler with red-hot irons. Every time Hitler tries to escape,Eva applies another iron. “I can’t spend eternity like that,” says Clinton. “Show me something else.” Satan takes him to another room marked “Jack the Ripper.”Inside are three mutilated prostitutes, stretching Jack on the rack.Every time Jack screams, the whores turn the wheel a little more. “I can’t spend eternity like that, either,” says Clinton. “Show me something better.” Satan takes Bill to the last door.Inside, Kenneth Starr is being held up to the wall with chains around his wrists. At his groin is Monica Lewinsky giving him oral sex...

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