Daily Archives April 3, 2015

Two Rednecks

Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.The passenger, Bubba, said “lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it’s a poll-ice roadblock!! We’re gonna get busted fer drinkin’ these here beers!!” Don’t worry, Bubba”, Earl said. “We’ll just pull over and finish drinkin’ these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat”. “What fer?”, asked Bubba. “Just let me do the talkin’, OK?”, said Earl. Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat, and each put a label on their forehead. When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, “You boys been drinkin’?” “No, sir”, said Earl. “We’re on the patch”!

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Troubles getting into heaven

Three Muslims died and went to Heaven. When they approached the gate, St. Peter said “Sorry, only Christians are allowed in Heaven.”The Muslims said “But we are good Christians!”St. Peter replied “Okay, if you’re good Christians then tell me what is Easter?”The first Muslim went up to St. Peter and said “I know! I’m a good Christian! Easter was when the Jesus man dressed up in a white bunny suit and hopped around delivering eggs to children!”St. Peter shook his head, and said “Next!”The second Muslim guy then came up and said “I know! I’m a good Christian! Easter was when the Jesus man dressed up in a red and white suit and flied around delivering presents to good children!”St. Peter sighed, and said “Next!”So the last Muslim guy comes up to old St...

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Blonde quickies 121-140

121. Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a limousine? A: Not everybody has been in a limo.122. Q: What’s the difference between a blonde track team and a tribe of sly pygmies? A: One’s a bunch a cunning runts …123 Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush? A: You don’t let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.124. Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and your job? A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.125. Q: What’s the difference between a blond having her period and a terrorist? A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.126. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a shopping trolley? A: The shopping trolley has a mind of its own!127. Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and the Suez Canal? A: One’s a busy ditch.128...

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Ticket Please

Three lawyers and three engineers were traveling by train to the same meeting. At the station, the lawyers each buy a ticket but the engineers buy just one. When asked why, the engineers coyly said “You’ll see.”They all board the train, the lawyers taking seats, but the three engineers all crowding into the bathroom. After the train has left, the conductor comes around and takes the lawyers tickets and knocks on the bathroom door and says, “Ticket Please.” An arm stretches out from the bathroom and the conductor takes the proffered ticket. The lawyers were very impressed.On the return trip, the lawyers proposed to emulate the gearheads and bought only one ticket. To their amazement, the engineers bought no ticket at all. When asked, the engineers said, “You’ll see...

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Seagulls

Why do seagulls live by the sea?Because if they lived by the bay, they would be called baygulls!(baygull-bagel. ha ha ha.)

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