Daily Archives April 2, 2015

The pop machine.

There was a beautiful young blonde who was going to a soda machine and she arrived there just before a business man coming to quench his thirst. She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the machine a little, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke which she placed on a counter by the machine. Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out a dollar and inserted it in the machine. Studying the machine carefully, she pushed the button for Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and 50 cents change. She immediately took the 50 cents and put it in the machine, studied it for a moment and pushed the Mountain Dew button. Out came a Mountain Dew. As she was reaching into her purse again, the business man who had been waiting patiently for several minutes now spoke up...

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Lesbian at the gynecologist.

A young lesbian goes to her gynecologist for her yearly pelvicexamination. She puts on the paper gown and awaits him to come intothe exam room. He instructs her to get up onto the table and placeher feet in the stirrups. As he is examining her she hears him saying “mmmm… mmmhmmm”. Hecompletes the examination, instructs her to dress and then meet himin his office when she is done.In his office she asks him if there was anything unusual that heobserved during the exam because she could not help but hear hisnon-verbal comments.”Oh, that” he says.” I was just admiring you. You have the cleanestvaginal area that I have ever seen in all my years of practice.”The young woman proudly smiled and replied, “Why thank you! I have awoman come in twice a week and clean it!”

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Blonde quickies 141-160

141. Q: Why did the blonde chick drown in the pool ? A: Someone left a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.142. Q: Why did they stop doing the “WAVE” at BYU? A: Too many blondes were drowning.143. Q: Why do blonds have square boobs? A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.144. Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies? A1: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties. A2: Three…one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.145. Q: Why don’t blondes double recipes? A: The oven doesn’t go to 700 degrees.146. Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory? A: Proofreading.147. Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory? A: For throwing out the W’s.148...

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The Cowboy Code

THE COWBOY CODE1. A cowboy removes his hat when entering the presence of a lady, although he may leave it on if she works in a saloon.2. A cowboy says EXCUSE ME, MA’AM, when leaving a lady’s presence.3. A cowboy says PARDON ME, MA’AM, when bumping into a lady, or treading on her feet.4. A cowboy never sits, while a lady is standing, unless he feels particularly tired, or his feet hurt.5. A cowboy allows a lady to go through a doorway, first, especially if he thinks one of his enemies may try to shoot him in a cowardly ambush. She would provide good cover.6 . A cowboy does not spit on the floor, but if he does, he will point it out to the ladies so they will not drag their skirts through it.7. A cowboy never tracks horse poop into a lady’s house...

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Hard of Hearing Genie

OK, so a man walks into a bar with a large box, the bar tender goes up to him and asks “whats in the box”.The man says “I’ll show ya’ if you get me a beer.” So of course the bar tender gets the man a beer, the man drinks it, and he pulls out a little foot tall man and he pulls out a little piano. The little man starts playing the piano!Next the bar tender asks “hey! thats prety cool, where did ya’ get that?”The man says” I’ll tell ya’ if you get me another beer.” So the bar tender gets the man another beer, the man drinks it, and he says “I got it from a geenie and a lamp”The bar tender says “If ya’ let me barrow that geenie and that lamp I’ll give ya’ another beer...

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