Daily Archives April 1, 2015

Darwin Awards

As you may already know, THE DARWIN AWARDS are bestowed every year upon(the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice,has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human genepool.And now, for this year’s illustrious winner(s):.. drum roll… JohnPernicky and friend Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington,decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the Amphitheater at Gorge,Washington. Having no tickets (but 18 beers among them) they sat in theparking lot, and after finishing the beer, decided that it would be easyenough to hop over the nine-foot high fence and sneak into the show...

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The Three Surgeons

Once there were three surgeons engaged in conversation.They got on the topic of their occupation and each stated who they liked tooperate on. The first doctor said, “I like to work on electricians.””Why?” the others replied.He answered, “When you open them up, they are all color coded so you knowwhere everything goes.”The second doctor said, “I like to work on librarians.””Why?” the other doctors asked.He replied, “Librarians are all orgainized in a sophisticated pattern.”The third doctor said, “Well, I like to work on lawyers.””Lawyers?!” replied the others suprised.”Yes, Lawyers” he stated.”But why?” they asked him.”Well, they are gutless, they have no spine, and their heads and butts areinterchangable.”

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Patenting A Peach…

A farmer goes to the patent office to patent a peach, and the patent officer says- “you can’t patent a peach, the peach has already been patented!”And the farmer says, “Oh no. Not THIS kind of peach. Go ahead, try it!” So the patent officer takes a bite, and then- “oh, wow! This is so good! It tastes like- blackberry pie!”And the farmer says “Yeah, and Do you like vanilla ice cream?Well then you gotta flip it over & try the other side”...

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Rules Guys wished Girls knew…

Rules that guys wished girls knew……….1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it’s up, put it down.3. Don’t cut your hair. Ever.4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to seeif he can find the perfect present!5. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.6. Sometimes, he’s not thinking about you. Live with it.7. Don’t ask him what he’s thinking about unless you are preparedto discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation,and monster trucks.8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it’s not different, it’s just like ever other cat.9. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.10. Sunday = Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of thetides. Let it be.11...

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Mind

Don’t let your mind wander too far. It is too little to go out alone!

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