Daily Archives April 1, 2015

Desert island encounter

This guy is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years.One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, “It’s not a ship.” The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, “It’s not a boat.” The speck gets even closer and he thinks, “It’s not a raft.”Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and says, “How long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?” “Ten years!”, he says.She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes...

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Blonde quickies 161-180

161. Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours? A: Write ‘Please turn over’ on both sides of a piece of paper162. Q: Why aren’t there many blonde gymnasts? A: Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.163. Q: Why do blondes have legs? A1: So they don’t get stuck to the ground. A2: To get between the bedroom and the kitchen. A3: So they don’t leave trails, like little snails.164. Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn around and come home? A: It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was a television.165. Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde’s vagina? A: The Blonde!166. Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots? A: Flattered.167...

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What Gets Bigger and Bigger?

Mr. Perkins, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl’s junior college, said during class, “Miss Smythe, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions.”Miss Smythe gasped, then said freezingly, “Mr. Perkins, I don’t think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you my parents will hear of this!” With that she sat down red-faced.Unperturbed, Mr. Perkins called on Miss Johnson and asked the same question.Miss Johnson, with composure, replied, “The pupil of the eye, in dim light.””Correct,” said Mr. Perkins. “And now, Miss Smythe, I have three things to say to you.”One, you have not studied your lesson.”Two, you have a dirty mind...

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Kids

Be nice to your kids… they will pick out your nursing home someday!

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The Stub

An exhibitionist named Joe was preparing to board a flight to Atlanta.As he approached the open door of the plane at the end of the jet way, a very attractive flight attendant was collecting boarding passes. As she reached toward him for his boarding pass, he opened his raincoat and exposed himself.”I’m sorry sir,” she said politely, “but you have to show your ticket; not your STUB.”

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