Category Religious

A man who reeked of alcohol flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of rum was sticking out of his ripped jacket pocket.
He opened his newspaper and started reading. After a few minutes, the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked “Say, Father, do you know what causes arthritis?”
The priest, disgusted by the man’s appearance and behavior snapped “It’s caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man!”
“Well, I’ll be,” the man muttered and returned to his newspaper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized, “I’m sorry to have come on so strong – I didn’t mean it...

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An honest man was being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman hit the roof, and the horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection with him.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer.

The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and ...

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Matters of religion

A Scotch Presbyterian clergyman tells the story of a
parishioner who formed a secession with a few others
unable to accept the doctrines of the church. But when
the clergyman asked this man if he and the others worshiped
together, the answer was:
“No. The fact is, I found that they accepted certain
points to which I could not agree, so I withdrew from
communion with them.”
“So, then,” the clergyman continued, “I suppose you
and your wife carry on your devotions together at home.”
“No, not exactly,” the man admitted. “I found that
our views on certain doctrines are not in harmony. See,
there has been a division between us. Now, she worships
in the northeast corner of the room and I in the southwest.”

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Beauty is no joke

The fair penitent explained to the confessor how
greatly she was grieved by an accusing conscience. She
bewailed the fact that she was sadly given over to
personal vanity. She added that on this very morning
she had gazed into her mirror and had yielded to the
temptation of thinking herself beautiful.
“Is that all, my daughter?” the priest demanded.
“Then, my daughter,” the confessor bade her, “go
in peace, for to be mistaken is not to sin.”

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"Confession is good for the soul."

"Yes, but it's bad for the reputation."
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