Category Miscellaneous

A Train and a Teacher?

What’s the difference between a Train and Teacher?A train says, “Chew, Chew!” and a Teacher says, “Spit the gum out!”

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Shakespearian Computer Story

Through infinite myst, software reverberatesIn code possess’d of invisible folly.Wilt thou dare interfaceWith thy Apple Macintosh keypadBy toggling my tweaky bosom?Alack!Leave laserjet laughter to the laptop lover.Behold beta beauty in a keyboard’s keen kindness.Now yet torment thy melancholy hardwareBy always vexing the amorous flameOf thine model motherboard.This tyrant widget conceals scuzzy gamesAnd pleasure treasured dear:Then kiss me.Celestial evil’s idolatrous template within AOLWill deceive some cybersex usersAnd email “cancel our service.”Tis a rare tongueThat many maiden bugs command,Revealing bounteous distress,Trashing bold memory:Click and crash gloriously.Weep not, beauteous Microsoft!Hereafter reboot.

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Drunk and The $20 Dollar Bills

It was New Year’s Eve … by then, actually, it was very early on New Year’s morning. The drunk staggered out of the men’s room and wobbled his way to the bar.”I, uh, lll…, I’ll ha-have anudder. Maske itta dubble.” The bartender looks him over and notices the vomit staining the front of the drunk’s sharp looking suit. “Buddy, it looks to me like you’ve had quite enough. Why don’t you call it a night and go home.”The drunk protests… “N-n-no! I ca-can’t. My, my wife, you, you see… She gammie this new shoot for Chrishmash. Iff she seez what Ife done to it… She, she’s gunna kill m-me. Juss gimmie a doubble…””Tell you what,” the bartender says. “You got any 20 dollar bills on you?”The drunk pulls out his wallet and thumbs through and replies… “Y-yeah, I got a few…...

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Cremate Mother In Law

A person receives a telegram informing about his mother-in-law’s death.It also enquires him whether she should be buried or cremated.He replies, “Don’t take chances. Burn the body and bury the ashes!”

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Preparing for Santa…

A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated.Please read the following carefully.I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. I now serve only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin and Michigan. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies.However, I’m certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole...

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