Hickbonics!

Atlanta School BoardThe Atlanta School Board, feeling left out by the fuss over Ebonics, has decided to designate Southern slang, or “Hickphonics,” as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. Here are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary:HEIDI — noun. Greeting.HIRE YEW – Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting.Usage: “Heidi. Hire yew.”BARD — verb. Past tense of the infinitive “to borrow.”Usage: “My brother bard my pickup truck.”JAWJUH — noun. A state just north of Florida. Capital is Hot-lanta.Usage: “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck.”MUNTS — noun. A calendar division.Usage: “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain’t herd from him in munts.”IGNERT — adjective. Not smart. See “Arkansas native.”Usage: “Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!”RANCH — noun. A tool used for tight’nin’ bolts.Usage: “I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago.”ALL — noun. A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: “I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck.”FAR — noun. A conflagration.Usage: “If my brother from Jawjuh don’t change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far.”BAHS — noun. A supervisor.Usage: “If you don’t stop reading these Southern words and git back towork (or studying), your bahs is gonna far you!”TAR — noun. A rubber wheel.Usage: “Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don’t git a flat tar in my pickup truck.”TIRE — noun. A tall monument.Usage: “Lord willin’ and the creek don’t rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime.”RETARD — Verb. To stop working.Usage: “My grampaw retard at age 65.”TARRED — adverb. Exhausted.Usage: “I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred.”FAT — noun, verb. 1. a battle or combat. 2. to engage in battle orcombat.ARE — pronoun. Possessive case of we used as a predicate adjective.RATS — noun. Entitled power or privilege.Usage: “We Southerners are willin’ to fat for are rats.”FARN — adjective. Not local.Usage: “I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed… must be from some farncountry.”DID — adjective. Not alive.Usage: “He’s did, Jim.”EAR — noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA). Usage: “He cain’t breath … give ‘im some ear!”BOB WAR — noun. A sharp, twisted cable.Usage: “Boy, stay away from that bob war fence.”JEW HERE — Noun and verb contraction. Usage: “Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump’ny?”HAZE — a contraction.Usage: “Is Bubba smart?” “Nah… haze ignert.” SEED — verb, past tense.VIEW — contraction: verb and pronoun.Usage: “I ain’t never seed New York City… view?”